ENGLISH HL: SAMPLE COMMENTARY PAPERS

3 08 2011

Please study the following student papers on the poetry commentary:

liamng001  – 16/25 (5)

English Quiz 1 R. HUANG – 18/25 (6)

Contusion – 20/25 (7)

The following comments/ points for improvement were raised for the respective papers:

Lady Lazarus: Good strong introduction. What informs you that the tone goes deeper? How is it a linear development if the tone goes down and then reaches a crescendo at some point? What “various elements” – mention them here as you have mentioned them early on. The conclusion does act like a summary of your ideas, as it should be. You mention rhyme scheme here but barely touched on it in the body. Cite textual evidence early to support these points.

Edge – Title? What is Christ doing in your analysis? Good observation of essential details. Good interpretation. A better word than “coerced”; how are the words “stiffens” and “bleed” forceful? Very good… but instead of a dual nature how about a progression from life to death or from good to bad? Cite the actual lines as well. Which lines use “red” and “black” – what images are attached to such colors? This will strengthen your description  that red refers to anger, etc.  “Tighten” your discussion of the 3 colors as they seem to spread apart for coherent reading. How is “smile” and “seems to be saying” indicative of the mind. Overall, good analysis.

Contusion – When you speak of Contusion as the poem, enclose in quotations marks. Cite lines from the text to reinforce your ideas – and to guide you – and the examiner- as to what you are processing and analyzing. Very good paper.

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